So, for those of you who don't know me personally, I am vegan. And I am currently in a relationship of almost 3 years with my Cuban boyfriend who is definitely not vegan. In fact, when we first meet, he had a hard time even understanding the term 'vegetarian' let alone vegan.
The truth is, I went vegetarian about a year before I meet him, but turned 100% vegan shy of a month before I meet him. The poor guy had no clue what he was about to get himself into.
When we were first connecting over texts after a whirlwind first-encounter that would make a Latin soap opera proud.
I had mentioned I was vegetarian. I decided to start light and work my way up. Probably add in later a subtle "Did I say vegetarian? I totally meant Vegan. How silly of me!" It came up when I told him I was making "Zapallo" Cookies. Zapallo is Spanish for squash or pumpkin. I was baking cookies with pumpkin as my egg replacer. The conversation took a humorous turn when he asked confused why I was making cookies with chicken? Chicken?! I'll explain...
The word Zapallo doesn't exists in the Cuban dialect. I'm Chilean. It's a Chilean word.
Zapallo to a Cuban sounds like Gallo. Gallo is Spanish for Rooster. So in his mind:
Zappallo ≠ Rooster ∴ Zappallo = Chicken. She is making Chicken Cookies.
I was disgusted and charmed at the same time. I laughed for days thinking on it.
The truth came out on our second date when we were going to eat together for the first time. Sorry, I thought we we're going to eat together. The guy showed up already-have-had which threw me off.
*Gentlemen, if you're going out on a date, don't eat beforehand. Or go with at least the chance of an appetite. We deny ourselves food for a full 24 hours before dates to avoid bloating and water retention and we're starving. That look you see in our eyes that makes you think "Damn! She must really want me" is actually our hunger talking and we're about to go Hannibal on your ass! Feed us!
Not one to deny myself food, I decided we were going to get food anyways and steered him into the popular Apiecalypse Now! Pizzeria.
He took one look at the sign and said "Vegan?"
And I looked back sheepishly and said "So, you know how I said I was Vegetarian? Well, I'm actually Vegan"
He blinked back at me like I was talking an alien language and asked "What's the difference?"
I said "Vegetarians still eat dairy and eggs. Vegans don't eat any animal products at all"
His eyes went wide and he leaned back as if someone had just yelled in his face and the force was pushing him back like a cartoon character.
"Woah. Ok" was all I recall him saying. All in all, it went better than I thought.
He bought me a slice (he didn't join me, but was still nice enough to accompany me) and we spoke about music, school and other classic first date topics. The 'vegan' issue didn't come up again.
And to be quite honest, it didn't for a while. He was very supportive. Never questioned my motives. Never critiqued my choice. Never tired to play 'doctor' and tell me I was missing something. He was pretty ok with it. So was it perfection? Not always.
I think the worst times where when we discussed ever moving in together. I set my foot down on any animal product entering my home. He refused to give up on his cheese and bacon.
The arguments were epic! Every single argument came out as we verbally boxed it out.
"We need protein!" Wham! "Plants have protein!" Bam! "We're mean to eat animals!" Pow! "We can survive of plants!" Ka-pow! "Lions eat animals!"...wait, what?
Ok, the point is, things got nasty. And for a while it looked like we would never solve this and our relationship was going to come to an end. But that's the thing with hard times. They don't always mean the end. It may be an opportunity to grow. So, after consideration and a lengthy time-out on the topic, we found a way to co-exists.
I decided that should we ever move in together, he could have all his animals products in a separate mini fridge. Away from the larger 'communal' fridge.
I'm already accustomed and enjoy being the 'chef' in the relationship. I will continue to do so, however any and all meals I make will be 100% vegan. If he wants something else, he has to cook it himself.
And honestly, that was it. Nothing more. Of course I talk every now and then about the terrors of animal agriculture and never hold back when I see a picture of a cute piglet and thrust it in his face exclaiming "OMG, PIGGY!!!" Only to have the universal "bacon" comment thrown back at me.
Is it annoying? Yes. Does it hurt that he doesn't understand and feel the same way about animal cruelty? Very much so. However, I have to say his handle on my choice is to be commended.
When we plan to go out to eat, and we're choosing a non-exclusive vegan place, he always makes sure there is a vegan option other than fries and salad for me. He actually wants me to have a good meal. A filling meal. He will be the first to go online and double check the menu for options always clarifying with me and asking "Can you eat it? Would you like to eat that?" He actually goes through the same stress and concern I or any other vegan would to get a proper vegan meal. It's so sweet to see him take it so seriously and he is never settled until he knows I'm happy with the food choice.
The best times though are when he agrees to go or actually asks for a specific vegan place. He's suggested Vegan Nachos at Sneaky Dee's or Burgers at Doomies. Even when it comes to home-cooked meals. When we do eat in, it's at my place and he knows all his meals will be vegan. He's asked multiple times for Zapallo's Italianos. A Chilean dish my mother taught me of stuffed zucchini which I veganized. And he enjoys them thoroughly. Even the Daiya greek yogurt I eat. He has taken a liking to them and now buys them on his own at his house. And almond milk. And vegan ice cream. And vegan butter. It makes me proud and happy to see him enjoying these products. Even if he's not vegan (yet), just these changes make me feel respected, hopeful and happy. He's open-minded. Has never rejected anything new I've thrown at him and never complained to having to go to a vegan place or for any vegan meal placed before him.
We actually made it work. By not trying to change each other anymore, and accept ourselves.
Of course I will never go back to consuming animals products. And I can't assume he will, but I won't assume he won't Even the man himself said "Who knows. Maybe one day I will be vegan. After all, it's a good thing. It's healthy for you, and just makes sense"
Now I know many vegan are saying "Then whyyyyy? Why doesn't he just do it?!"
*sigh* what can I say? One of the mysteries of the world. But in a time where there is so much divide, confrontation and hostility between vegans and those who follow the dark side, it's a hopeful thing to see a relationship form in the middle. Like a modern day urban Romeo and Juliet. Only, no one really has any issues with the fact that we're together. I guess that's a good thing, just not as dramatically romantic. In any case, it seems this kind of relationship is where perhaps it could be the best way to get our message across.If anything, for every vegan meal I make for him, that's one less animal-based one he eats. See how that works? Win-win for everyone really. He eats well, and no one gets hurts in the process.
So if you've meet someone who makes your heart beat fast, and the butterflies in your tummy flutter like crazy, but they still think animal protein is the only way to go...go ahead and give love a chance anyways. It might be the missing link needed for them to have a change of heart.
And if it's not...there's always vegan speed dating. *ding* Ladies! Move one seat over!